Ashes to Ashes
by WhiteMask22
Summary: Found in the wreckage of Wutai during the beginning of the war, Kayden Paige leads a life in fear of death. The guilt left from a tragic past constantly haunts her until she meets a man who gives her a reason to face it and fight for her own reason to live. But what will happen when she is betrayed and forced to choose between a promise to herself, and the promise to another?


**Ashes to Ashes**

Chapter 1

When Kayden opened her eyes she thought it was snowing. Thick white flakes fell in dizzying circles toward the ground. One flake in particular caught Kayden's attention and she traced its downward journey with her eyes. Slowly it drifted its way toward her, however as it got close Kayden realized it was neither the right colour, size, or shape to be snow. Rather then the pristine white snow usually was, this was pale and grey, and was also to large. It looked nothing like snow at all.

Kayden turned her head to watch its landing, and saw it settle on her open hand. The snow did not feel cold and it did not melt as it should have from its contact with her warm flesh.

Curious as to what the strange substance falling from the sky was, Kayden sat up. She hadn't even realized she'd been lying down. Slowly she looked around, taking in her surroundings. The ground was covered in the pale grey stuff. Kayden reached out and ran her hand over it, and when she lifted it up, the grey was smeared like chalk across her fingers.

It was ash. And it was everywhere.

Kayden had seen a dead body once, before a white sheet had been pulled over the body, covering the existence of the person that lay beneath it.

The ash that covered the broken buildings reminded Kayden of this.

It was then Kayden realized she did not recognize any of her surroundings. Everything that might have once given her a clue, and been burned and destroyed, or was covered in a thick layer of ash.

Stiffly, Kayden pushed herself off the ground and stood up. _'I should find my parents,' _she thought to herself. And that was when the daze Kayden was in shattered, and memories came crashing down on her.

She remembered her parents had sent her off to the basement of a nearby neighbour, as an air raid conducted by Shinra was only minutes away. They had promised they would only be a few minutes behind her. Yet they hadn't made it, so Kayden had left the safety of the basement to find them. She hadn't been fast enough, and she remembered the scorching heat and being thrown backwards several feet before falling unconscious.

A terrible possibility occurred to Kayden. What if... What if they were...? No. Her parents were smart. They would have found another basement or cellar to hide in. Her mother and father were alive. They had to be. There was simply no other possibility. Still...

"Mom! Dad!" Kayden tried calling, but her voice only came out as a hoarse croak. She tried again. This time her voice was louder, but not loud enough. Frustration and fear overwhelmed Kayden. In desperation she sucked in a a breath and screamed, her voice pierced the quiet world, disrupting the chilling peace that had settled among the ruins.

Kayden had to find her parents, even if it meant moving every piece of rubble and stone.

She took off running, screaming out her parents names as she went.

For thirteen years Kayden had lived in Wutai with her mother, while her father only came a few times a year from Midgar to visit. Since he worked for Shinra he'd kept the existence of his family a secret, but things had only gotten worse for them when the war broke out. If anyone found out about the secret of one of Shinra's employees, Kayden's father would have been labeled a traitor and they would have all been killed.

A building with its roof caved in, stood mournfully a few metres down the road. Kayden rushed to it, still calling her parents names. The door hung lopsided in its frame, and Kayden pushed it aside.

"Mom! Dad!" There was no response.

Was there a basement in the building? It was hard to tell with roofing hanging down and rubble and plaster littering every inch of the floor. Anger added itself to the concoction of emotions that drove Kayden. It seemed everything was against her finding her parents.

Throwing herself forward, Kayden grabbed a piece of the hanging roofing that was in her way and pulled it aside. She could feel the skin on her hands open as metal, nails, and other bits of debris were pushed aside. Pausing to observe the damage she'd inflicted, she thought, _'What if it gets infected?" _Her parents were waiting for her though, and if she stopped, she would be losing precious seconds. She would have to tolerate the pain and deal with the consequences.

After all, her father had come to warn Kayden and her mother of what Shinra was planning to do to Wutai. He had come to save them, not caring at out the fact that he would be killed if anyone found out he'd warned them. So Kayden would bare the pain like her father would.

Finding a door, Kayden flung it open. Thankfully it was the one she'd been hoping to find. It was the one that led to the basement. "Mom! Dad!" She ran down the steps to check and see if there was anybody there.

There wasn't.

Then it was onto the next building, and the next, and the next one after that. Eventually she lost count and her desperation grew. Still she continued one with one purpose. _'I have to find them," was _her only thought. It ran on repeat through her head, over and over again. She made her way further into the destruction of the bombing.

It was late afternoon, heading to dusk when Kayden found herself standing in front of what had once been a church. There wasn't much left of it now. The roof had burned off, and one of the walls had crumbled inward. Churches had basements to hide in right? Even though Kayden was exhausted and injured, a flare of hope burned as it did every time she face a new place to find her parents. With this hope came a little more strength, and she tore up the crumbling steps and into the church.

The wall that had collapsed inward had spewed bricks, wood and stone across the flooring. Kayden slowed her pace so she could navigate around the wreckage and made her way towards the front of the church where she hoped to find a basement. Before she reached her goal however, she tripped over a brick that had managed to escape notice.

It was because she fell, she saw what she did. A torso from the waist up stuck out from under a large chunk of wall. The head was turned away, facing toward another body lying in the shadows.

A cold fear washed over Kayden. "No," she whispered. It couldn't be could it? She didn't want to know who those bodies belonged to. Her parents were alive, they had to be. That's why she was going to find the basement; so she could save them.

Never taking her eyes off the two bodies, Kayden picked herself up, but rather then continuing on to find the basement she moved towards the nearest body.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no." She wanted to walk away, to leave those bodies faceless and forgotten. But she couldn't. Her own body was working against her will and started moving toward them. It could have been seconds or years between the time she stood up and made her way over to the corpse, and still she arrived all to soon. It lay in front of her, but Kayden didn't look at it. She couldn't. She didn't want to know who it was laying before her. She began shaking as she tried to force herself to turn and walk away. But it was all in vain. Her gaze fell heavily downward to the floor.

There lay Riko Paige, Kayden's mother. Her eyes were still wide open in shock. But they were empty and soulless. Just like those she'd seen on that dead person she'd seen, before a gentle hand closed the lids, and slid that white sheet over them.

But her mother couldn't be dead. "Mom! Come on! Wake up! You're not dead, you can't be." Tears began to fall and streaked sown her face. "Don't worry mom. I'm going to get this stupid rock off you, okay." Deep down Kayden knew it was hopeless, and there was no way to remove the rock that had crushed her mother to death. Yet, she wasn't going to accept that yet. She couldn't.

Using all her strength, Kayden pushed against the fallen portion of wall. It didn't move. "Come on," she growled through her tears. Again she pushed. Her hands started to throb, and blood trickled down her torn up hands. In shear panic and frenzied, Kayden tried to lift the giant rock off her mother, but in the end, it didn't even move an inch. It was just to heavy.

More then anything in the world at that moment, Kayden hated the rock. Frustrated and angry she lashed out at the rock with her fist. Pain crackled up her knuckles and her hand. Crying out in shock, she realized through a haze of emotion and pain, her hand was broken. However the realization that she wasn't able to do anything to help her mother hurt more then that.

"I'm sorry Mom. I can't -" Kayden sobbed. Her mother was gone. 'Can't' wasn't the right word. "I couldn't save you," she finished instead.

Crouching down while holding her broken hand to her chest, she looked at her mothers face. She reached out with her bloodied, but still working hand and shut her mother's eyes, leaving a smear of blood as she withdrew.

Taking several deep breaths, Kayden tried to control her tears and the shaking of her body. It didn't work. The more she tried to calm herself down, the worse her tears fell.

How was she going to face the next corpse that lay only meters behind her. Perhaps it wasn't who she thought it was. There was a chance. The hope Kayden felt, despite her dead mother was silly she knew. Her father would never abandon her mother. She tried to squash the seed that had grown without her permission, but like a weed there was only one way to get rid of it.

A small hiccup of uncertainty passed her lips before she turned around to see the dead face of Garth Paige. And just like that, the weed of hope withered and died.

Unlike his wife Garth's face looked peaceful. His eyes were closed and at first glance one would only think he was unconscious, but then Kayden saw the large pool of blood that had puddled around his head.

Again, her body moved forward without her consciously telling it to. She moved close enough to the her father that she could have reached out and touched him. "I tried to be like you." Kayden whispered. Her voice shook and her tears dripped off her chin leaving dark drops on the floor. "I let you die. I'm so sorry."

The guilt weighed down on Kayden like a tonne of bricks. Her sobs become uncontrollable and she stumbled back, away from her father. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." The words tumbled from her mouth until she couldn't say them anymore. Her throat was dry and she could barely breathe.

Unable to stand there between the dead bodies do her parents, Kayden began to make her way out of the church. She wanted to get as far away from that temple of death and loss as possible. Away from her parents, away from the guilt of not saving them. She knew she could have, if only she'd been faster.

Twilight had fallen when Kayden stumbled through the doors of the church. She paused to look up at the sky. How much time had passed since she'd awoken, covered on ash? The memory felt as if had been a lifetime ago.

Exhaustion overpowered Kayden and she fell to the ground. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was rest. No! She wanted to leave, to get away. But she couldn't move.

Everything that had happened had utterly drained her of energy. She cradled her broken hand and rocked back and forth. Then an unexpected thought came to her. _'Maybe I'll die.' _To Kayden's surprise, she'd didn't mind at first. If she did die, she could join her parents as part of the life stream. Another part of herself thought, _'You can't see them again. They'll hate you. After all, you let them die. You let them down.' _

That thought echoed maliciously inside Kayden. She couldn't die and face her parents rage. She would suffer a thousand broken hands before she would let that happen.

"I can't die. I won't die." Kayden muttered to herself. She continued to rock back and forth. "I can't die. I won't die. I can't die. I won't die." Fear and guilt swelled inside Kayden like a monster. She repeated her words faster and faster until it sounded like a chant.

Soon darkness conquered the twilight and night fell. Eventually Kayden fell into a sleep-like daze. It felt like time was at a standstill, and each second was worth hours. Reality became twisted with dreams, blurring everything together.

Her nightmare began with the last time Kayden had seen her parents.

_The wailing of the bomb siren wailed outside, warning the residents of Wutai of the approaching air raid of Shinra. It's noise was deafening and drilled its way into every crevice of the city._

_Kayden's parents who stood in the kitchen, had been in the middle of a heated discussion. For a long moment they stopped with shocked expressions on their faces, before quickly turning to fear. _

_"No, it's to soon. They said it would be tomorrow. Something must have changed." Garth's voice shook distress. The realization of the situation made him shout in anger, "It's to soon!"_

_Both Kayden and her mother gaped. They could only imagine how the Garth felt. He had after all, come to enemy territory to warn is family of the air raid at risk of his own life. And it had all been in vain._

_Riko Paige recovered first. "We have to go to Mr. Harvey's basement. It's the safest and biggest. There will be others there as well. Come on Kayden, honey." Her voice was calm and sure. She was trying to keep everyone from panicking._

_"Yes mom."_

_Garth still stood in shock. "Garth come on!" Riko shouted at her husband. _

_He jerked his head as if trying to clear it, and developed as calm a demeanour as he could. What was done was done._

_The three poured out of the small house and onto the street. Immediately they were swept away with the crowd of stampeding people. It had only been a few moments of being pushed along when Kayden's Mom shouted, "Oh no! We have to go back! Mrs. Whitman's on her own and she's in a wheelchair!"_

_"What?" Garth yelled. "We can't go back, there's not enough time!"_

_"We have to. She only lives a few doors down from us, and I promised that I would go if anything happen!" Kayden had to admire the determination in her mothers eyes. One day she hoped she could be as brave as her._

_"Kayden," her father stopped her. "I'm going to help your mother. She's not strong enough to help a fully grown woman in a wheelchair on her own. Go ahead to Mr. Harvey's basement. Get to safety. We'll only be a few minutes behind you, okay?" Garth's brown eyes were full of worry as he searched Kayden's face. _

_At her fathers words, Kayden's stomach nearly came out of her mouth. But she didn't want her father and mother to worry anymore then they had to, so she hid her fear as best she could. "Be careful." She looked at her father, and then her mother._

_"Good girl." Her father gave her a small smile and let go of her. Turning toward his wife, he said, "Come on."_

_Kayden's Mom looked at her and said, "I love you sweet heart. Be brave."_

_And then, just like that, they were gone._

_So Kayden fought her way through the mass of people, her small frame making it easy to slide past them._

The memory jumped ahead to Mr. Harvey's basement.

_People were packed in, some were crying, others hushed their children. And Kayden paced around the door waiting for her parents. Then, over the sound of the still blaring siren, the roar of engines from the approaching aircraft could be heard. _

_Mr. Harvey began to close the door, but Kayden's parents weren't there yet._

_"Wait!" Kayden cried. "My mom and dad, they're not here yet."_

_Mr. Harvey looked at Kayden with pitying eyes. "If I wait anymore, we could all die. I'm sorry kid."_

_But Kayden didn't want his pity, she wanted him to wait. "No!" Before Mr. Harvey could completely shut the door, she scrambled through._

_"Hey kid! Wait!" _

_For a brief moment Kayden thought it funny he wanted her to to wait, when she had wanted him to wait. How ironic. However she did not listen to his instruction and she knew no one would come after her. They feared for their own lives to much._

_She had to find her parents. Running through the house, she found the door and burst out onto the street, where to sounds of war nearly deafened her. She tried to block out some of the noise by covering her ears with her hands, but it didn't help, so she gave up, and took off down the road._

_Then before she knew it the planes were above her, preparing to drop their devastating cargo. Kayden had to find her parents, so she ran faster. But it was to late._

_A high pitched whistle was added to the cacophony of noise, yet it was the scariest and most important of all the sounds. It only was a matter of seconds that the missile whistled through the sky, but to Kayden, it felt like an eternity. _

_And then, there was silence._

_The force of the explosion was worse then anything Kayden could have imagined. The earth itself rumbled and before she could move, she was thrown backwards. Her head hit something hard, and everything went dark._

After that, Kayden's dreams became confusing and twisted.

_In her dream she was running away from her parents rather then searching for them. Behind her, the mutilated corpses of her mother and father chased her through the ruined streets. Their bodies were broken and rotting, but somehow they still managed to close the distance between them. All the time, they called after her._

_"You left us to die!" Shouted the corpse of Kayden's mother._

_Her father continued, "Yes, now you have to join us as punishment."_

_"Face the consequences of what you did to us!"_

_"You may as well have killed us with your own hands!"_

_Crying, Kayden continued running. "I'm sorry. I can't. I won't. I don't want to die. I'm sorry."_

_She rounded a corner, and there was the church. Sensing a dark presence, Kayden came stumbling to a halt. Out of the shadows, another person emerged. It was herself._

_"Give up Kayden. Just give in." The dream Kayden smiled gently. "Just come with me and it will be all over." _

_Shaking her head, Kayden tried to back away, but the bodies of her parents were closing in behind her. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Real Kayden whimpered. _

_"There is nothing to be afraid of. Just let go, and come with me." Dream Kayden gestured toward the dark interior of the church._

_Although it hadn't been said, Kayden knew what would happen if she did._

_Real Kayden turned around to look for an escape, and another dream Kayden appeared. This one frowned at her. "It's okay, you're just dreaming."_

_"What?" Real Kayden asked. Was this a lie? And what about her parents who were after her? They were going to catch up with her soon. She tried to run around the dream Kayden, but she was blocked._

_"I said you are dreaming. This isn't real. You have to wake up though."_

_And slowly the frowning dream Kayden transformed. Her hair changed from a medium auburn to white, and her features changed to an angled, yet boyish face. Last to change were the eyes. Brown eyes turned to an unusual blue, like nothing Kayden had ever seen before._

She blinked. The dark surroundings of her dream melted away to that of a pale sunset,and Kayden found herself sitting on the steps of the church where she had collapsed. The boy was still there. He could only be a couple years older then her, but he was dressed for combat, and had a long sword next to his side.

"Who..." Her voice cracked. Her mouth and throat felt so dry. Luckily the boy seemed to know what she had been trying to say.

"My name is Sephiroth."


End file.
